Monday, November 19, 2007

I’m Back! Honest!

Anybody out there?

Really and truly, I’m back! So grab a cup of tea or hot chocolate. Nestle down and prepare for a big make up post.

First let me apologize for being MIA for so long. There are lots of good excuses. Well, some are good. Some are just what they are. I do promise however not to go disappearing from the blogosphere again without fair warning. Like, FAIR WARNING: I’m going to be in Configuration Management training (let’s all say Ooooh! Aaaaah!) from 11/27-11/30 and then 12/3 to 12/6 and may or may not have easy access to a computer for blogging purposes.

So let me explain my disappearance in 3 acts.

Act 1: TeAntae promises to not spend so much time on the computer at work doing non-work things. We have a policy at work that states we can go on the internet for non-work reasons but it should be kept to a reasonable minimum and of course, no porn surfing or anything criminal like that. No, I wasn’t doing anything naughty on the computer but I was spending more time that I felt was smart reading blogs, checking out sites like and such. I was getting my work done but apparently I work too quickly and was feeling BORED and completely unenthusiastic about my job! “This is just not who I am!” I screamed inside my head.

[Fade to black.]

Act 2: TeAntae spirals into a deep state of depression but tries to tell herself and everyone else she’s A-OK. Yeah, who was I kidding? All the signs were there. I wasn’t beading, barely knitting, not seeing-call-emailing my friends, not posting, daily psyche-out sessions to get myself out of bed and into the car so I could go to work, staying in a crappy mood more often than not which got dumped on my poor hubby who I adore for being the sweet, wonderful man he is for putting up with me. The list goes on. I have two weird habits when I get like this. I either clean everything within an inch of its life (I hate to clean) or buy magazines and books like it’s the end of the world and just read, read, read. There are piles of magazines and books everywhere right now! And you can only pretend so long that the tears are from something in your eye or from waking up, or whatever the lame excuse might be. Some say the truth will set you free so here it is. The truth is: I hate my job. I’m not doing what fills my heart with happiness. I’m doing everything for all the wrong reasons and I feel like I have no choice but to continue like this because I don’t know what else to do!

[Curtain closes with a collapsed figure on the floor sobbing]

Act 3: TeAntae goes on a much needed vacation to clear her head, sails the HIGH seas, and gets her wedding vows renewed by Captain Stubbing. Sing it with me now! “Love, exciting and new. Come Aboard. We're expecting youuuuu!” OK, I made up the Captain Stubbing part but we did get our vows renewed by the captain of the Disney Magic for our 5th wedding anniversary. Pictures and stories galore in an upcoming post! I put all of the past insanity into the cabin safe until the end of the cruise. Not now, not this time. I was able to sleep soundly and smile daily. I think my body was a bit confused at this sudden change but it loved every minute of it. I sat one day and just grinned until my face hurt as I looked out at that beautiful azure blue, laughter all around me, and felt the stress just wash off me. Somewhere in the back of my brain I knew I’d have to face the craziness again but this time I couldn’t just live with it. I had to make a plan.

[A determined woman sits in a teak deck chair watching the ship sail into the first port]

So now I’m back and though much of the angst has come crashing back onto me (damn tears), I’ve decided to make some drastic changes for myself. You, my faithful readers, get to hang on for the ride and when necessary bonk me on the head when I’m caught slipping.

Change 1: Ala the always inspiring Margot, I’m going to post every day as of right now! I can’t guarantee they’ll all be winners so be forewarned. When I first started blogging, I was on another popular site that became a trip back to high school with all the nonsense that was being posted and petty squabbles. I just don’t care who’s not speaking to whom or whose boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife is better. I promised myself when I started on Blogger that it would only be about my various crafting endeavors and the occasional off topic but still fun. To post daily though that won’t always be the case. That being said, it still won’t be a school girl’s diary. There will be rants, recipes, observations, and of course craft/art goodness.

Change 2: Make time for myself to pursue my artistic side much more seriously. I have an store setup for my mom and me but it’s been languishing unloved and unused for about a year now. What’s the hold up? That damn fear thing. Fear that I have no talent. Fear that no one will like my work as much as I do. Of course there’s no way of even knowing if it’s true until I try so why play the fortune teller? I’ve tasked myself and my mom once again to make 5 things. Anything we want, just make them and make them good. Then we’ll put them up on Etsy and see what happens. Maybe nothing. Maybe something, but we have to at least try.

Change 3: GET OUT OF THIS JOB! I need to figure out a game plan. One I can live with and then just do it. No looking back. No second guessing. Just do it. I have two dreams: being an artist and being a chef or something in the culinary field. I love being creative and seeing people made happy by my work. It’s what has always made me happy; I just foolishly never thought I could make a living doing either and always got talked out of trying by family and friends. No more! I’m leaning towards culinary with the craft/art part on the side, but I will do one or the other and as soon as possible. I’m already researching culinary schools in the area.

So if you’ve hung in this long, thanks so much. The journey ahead is going to be like Alice falling down the rabbit hole at times but I intend to win this croquet tournament.


Blogger Janice said...

Welcome back! I've been keeping an eye out for you and will be cheering you on during the adventure ahead. Life is not easy. Sometimes it's messy. Sometimes you just need to hang on tight, because it can be a heck of a ride!! You have a great support system in your hubby and mom... You're going to do great!!

11/19/2007 5:21 PM  
Blogger TeAntae said...

Thanks Janice. Missed you! Yes, this is going to be a trip and a half but with friends like you around, and of course mom and Bry, it's going to be well worth it in the end. =)


11/20/2007 11:32 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I'm glad to see you back, feeling better, and looking towards making positive work changes. It's tough when you don't enjoy your job. Have a good holiday weekend!

11/20/2007 10:44 PM  
Blogger TeAntae said...

Thanks! I'm glad to be back too. I promise to not be such a stranger. I've missed you and all the neat things you've been up to. =)

11/20/2007 10:52 PM  

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